So since I have one week left of this enormously long Pesach vacation, all of the friends I have here (which is very few) are either out of town or back in school, I have newfound internet privileges, and I am waiting for my laundry to be done, I've decided to create a blog.
Be forewarned - I suck at blogs. I tend to always have a million thoughts swirling around in my head, but when it's time to write them down, I have nothing to say.
Anyway, for those of you who don't know, I am currently in Jerusalem, Israel - the most holy and wonderful place on Earth. I'm not sure if the content of this blog will be about my constant struggle of whether or not to move here, my hatred for every other political entity in the world, or just my general feelings, thoughts, and observations. Hopefully it won't turn into a giant complaint box, as my previous (albeit highschool-era) blogs tended to do.
So anyway I just switched seminaries and I just finished moving into my new apartment. I'm a little apprehensive because I absolutely hate change. Also, I'm not sure if a seminary environment is right for me at this point of time. Although I am lazy, I always feel like I should be doing SOMETHING...and my current money situation (-$2000) is a strong indicator that I should be working. I don't like being out of school and without a real job. OK, a couple of months for traveling and dilly-dallying is acceptable, but I have a (useless) degree and yet I'm sitting here doing absolutely no form of work. Not like I could even GET work here if I wanted to, since I don't speak Hebrew. That has to happen. I don't know what's wrong with me....sometimes I'm 100% sure I want to make aliyah and then other times I think I'm totally psychotic for wanting to leave America, where my family is, where I speak the language, and where I can surely find work that will be at least double what I could make here, with or without a degree.
But then I look out my window and I see the beautiful mountains that Hashem gave to my people, I read the news and am astonished at how utterly imbecilic the leaders of every other country are (not like Israel's leaders are so great), a read about the oppression of Jews and this completely idiotic and unrealistic notion of a "two-state" solution...and all I want to do is plant my feet right here in a settlement in the West Bank and call it a day. I know I can't make decisions out of impulse or anger...but...well, I don't know. There's nothing for me in America, really...except of course my family. But is there anything for me here? Of course the fulfillment of living in Israel is IMMENSE...if you can afford a life that will be good enough to keep you happy. So much sacrifice comes with moving here...I just don't know if I have the strength for it.
Sigh. I miss my friends. I can't wait till they all come here (which remarkably, they are doing soon)....it's still going to be awhile though. :(